so i had a weekend of realizations. And it feels good to know that I have work in front of me to do. And that i am not going to stay this shell of a person anymore. I can forgive and I can be forgiven. I can look into my friends eyes and tell them that they mean the world to me. And really truly mean it. I want to change to be a better person.
I have also come to realize that I was in an abusive friendship for the last three years. And i never thought I would be that girl. And i am not sure how it happened, but talking to my friends this weekend and being told about my behaviors, it has all become so clear. And I am so glad, I don't ever have to be in a friendship like that again. And I can put into the past. I am going to be a little more cautious of that.
I have also seen some really dark sides of people that I love this weekend. I am sorry that people have to make bad choices sometimes, just to learn that they are bad choices. And I hope that by people not walking out of my life, and helping me change - I can do the same for others. Right now it feels a little like I am out on my own island. But, i have a cell phone to talk to the ones that I love. And they are slowly talking me into coming back to the mainland. A slow process, but so very rewarding.
It feels good for me to make changes. I am not scared. When I am down, I can only go up. So i have nothing to be scared of. These people love me and want me to succeed. And I want the same for myself.
thank you
k
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