sunshines

3.20.08

today i woke up feeling good. i think that some things are meant to be. and that i have very little say i what happens. i continue to look for work in Portland and its becoming a less daunting thing. i turned down a job yesterday to work at a newspaper in Kaiser. it too far from where i want to live. and for whatever reason, i knew it was not the right job. so at least i am not acting on desire. i think the right job will come along and it will be at the right time.

funny things. craigslist has given me a ton of joy in the last 5 years. i recently posted an add in the Chicago ride share board for people that were wanting to share a truck to Oregon. I have gotten a lot of strange requests. and some good ones too. some people want me to take them and their pets with me. some have a ton of stuff. some have no stuff. some just want me to take their stuff. its been kind of fun finding out what is going on with people and their lives. but i think that all of this has led to me thinking about just having a pod come to my house, loading it up with stuff i think i may need (for the rest of my life :)) and me and leon hitting the road via the jetta, that i thought i was going to sell. i have a money goal and i am hoping to meet that. and i feel confident by the time my goal is met it will all work out. i am feeling less like "i have to be in Portland, now!" and more like i can do this, when its meant to happen. this has come with a better piece of mind for me. i am less anxious and more calm.

the weather is starting to change. i see buds popping up in the ground, and the desire to clean my yard up is becoming strong. i love the summer. to feel the sun on your skin. to have to eat the Popsicle fast before it melts all over your hand. pool parties. people smiling. bike rides to nowhere. its nice here in the summer.

more random: new fave thing...looking up words in dictionary.com
this has been making me think more and it makes me want to read a ton more.

i have also made some piece with the tattoo on my foot (see last blog) and i think that everything will be just fine. we are complicated human beings and if you cant fall down and have someone tell you that you fell and help you get up then what will you have learned from the fall? maybe you should have tied a double knot in your shoe laces. and that your not invincible. it's ok to say your sorry.

i love rambling and no one has to read this or maybe someone will, really it matters little. i should be going to therapy more often is what it reminds me.

oh and i have tomorrow off for 'good Friday' and what is that exactly? to me its a "good Friday" because i don't have to fucking work. cheers to that.

k