So I am going thru a little pain right now. I was trying to be friends with someone, but going about it the wrong way. Our friendship has been strained for a while now and its been nothing short of challenging. And there are many factors. But the main one is this person is not an honest person. They have lied, I have forgiven. Or so i thought.
Do we ever really forgive? Or is it always something that plagues us? Or can we let time heal things and we can forget? Is that really forgiving? I ask myself these questions. Is there ever really forgiveness after you have felt betrayed? I am not sure I have been forgiven when I felt I was in the wrong.
From the place where I get all the good info: Wikipedia
Forgiveness is the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. This definition, however, is subject to much philosophical critique. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives, in terms of the person forgiven and/or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, it may be granted without any expectation of compensation, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe they are able to forgive.
In Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind karma. Instead, Buddhism encourages the cultivation of thoughts that leave a wholesome effect. "In contemplating the law of karma, we realize that it is not a matter of seeking revenge but of practicing metta and forgiveness, for the victimizer is, truly, the most unfortunate of all. When resentments have already arisen, the Buddhist view is to calmly proceed to release them by going back to their roots. Buddhism centers on release from delusion and suffering through meditation and receiving insight into the nature of reality. Buddhism questions the reality of the passions that make forgiveness necessary as well as the reality of the objects of those passions. "If we haven’t forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain, and that is what is reborn. That is what suffers." Buddhism places much emphasis on the concepts of metta(loving kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (sympathetic joy), and upekkha (equanimity), as a means to avoiding resentments in the first place.
good stuff.
As far as other things go though...I am working on a small 4Th step and its been a challenge. I have some of the same people from before. I did not pray about it and the resentment stayed with me. I want to be rid of some of this stuff that takes up space in my head. And I don't want to feel bad when I see these people. I want to wipe the slate clean. I want to start over....but it all ties back into the first part of this. Are we really able to forgive?
please tell me?
k
1 comment:
I feel that we are able to forgive, sometimes it is quick, sometimes it takes a long long time. I know I am able to forgive because of the relationship I have with my Mom. In high school she hurt me a lot, but now when I look back on it I see it was just some events that happened in the past and I do not feel hurt or resentful of it. I don't feel attached to those events, even though I have not forgotten them. However, it did take me years and years to finally feel that way. I know that what is better for me and for my mom is to let forgiveness happen. I think why you feel you can't forgive is because it takes a while for big hurts to be totally forgiven. But think of little hurts that have happened that you probably have already forgiven. For example, one time Ben hit me in the face on accident while trying to flip someone off while driving. I was extremely angry at the time it happened, but he learned a lesson from it. He doesn't flip people off anymore, and we can actaully laugh about it now. I feel no resentment about that action when I think back to it, though I haven't forgotten it. So my advice is to continue trying to forgive. Let the harmfull feelings flow out of you. Really take to heart the Buddhist lessons you have read. It will help. Then one day, I bet you won't even be expecting it and you will realize you have forgiven.
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