hail sized raindrops

I have been going through my own set of madness as of recent. I have found that blogging can be very hurtful when people read what you write. I dont think anyone looks at mine so i am free to write whatever i like? I am trying to get my mom to blog. She is an amazing writer and she has plenty to say :)

Today i feel good. not very rested, but good. I have been having difficutlies in relating with people. My friends seem to be irritating and i want to understand people, but it seems a little like i am swimming around in a very small fish bowl and i keep hitting my nose on the side. And things just are not connecting. it's like finding the pieces of the puzzle, but they just look like the right ones. They're not.

And it's been frustrating to have someone talking about you when it's not really me that she is upset with. It's the situation. And i really have thought about this before and how it would effect people and was i willing to take that chance and i have decided "yes". And it was not a malicious thing, it just happened. And i don't feel bad about it. I did NOT do it to hurt someone (who was already hurting before i got anywhere near it) and i think this person IS worth all the bullshit.

I think that some people see me as insensitive to others and i am going to write about something that has been bugging me for awhile now. And for those of you who DO read this please give me feedback.

Ok here is the issue:
marriage. people get married (straight people btw) and they think and truly be live it's the end...or beginning of sharing a life together.

INSERT wikapedia's definition: Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships (usually intimate and sexual) are sanctioned with governmental, social, or religious recognition. It is often created by a contract or through civil processes. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution, in accordance with marriage laws of the land. If recognized by the State, by the religion(s) to which the parties belong and/or by society in general, the act of marriage changes the personal status of the individuals in the eyes of those authorities that recognize it.

People marry for many reasons, but usually one or more of the following: legal, social, and economic stability; the formation of a family unit; procreation and the education and nurturing of children; legitimizing sexual relations; public declaration of love; or to obtain citizenship.

ok so that "is" marriage. In all of its glory. How is it that not everyone can marry? And how is it not just as hard to end a long term relationship and not feel as though you are getting divorced. I come from a family that my parents were NEVER together (sometimes i think it may have been a one-stand ;)) and so i never delt with divorce or how that effects kids. But i also had to deal with two totally different families and values and rules...etc. ok sidetracked...but i have never been married and part of the reason is because i could not get married being in relationships with the same sex. And why is it that straight people say, "it's totally different when you get married and tell everyone, and sign some piece of paper". I am here to tell you my heartache was the same. And I am kinda sick of people telling me that is not the truth. I have been in two long term relationships in the last 33 years and with both of them, i thought that was it...that i did not have to do this again. This was the person i am going to be with for the rest of my life, and would have married had i been able to. So please don't tell me i don't know what it's like to be divorced. Cause i do.

I am tired of people talking about other people's business. It really shows that people have nothing better to do. And as far as people posting things "to help other people" sure that's a great idea if you don't hurt others in the process. And others have been hurt by her words. I feel pretty resilient about it. And if i know there is going to be something written about myself that i don't think is accurate then i wont read it, anymore. And then in turn i don't need to respond which just fuels the fire. And i think this person feeds on that. Plus she likes to be the center of attention. What i don't get is the donate button at the end of the blog. I am confused why she always has her hand out. I go to work everyday to pay my bills, why should i give someone who is fully able to work money? just a question.

done for the day. here is a photo of my new toy. i am a very lucky girl.

ooo,
k