wishing on a star

once again today, i woke up with this horrible ache. in my stomach. it feels like something is wrong, far away. something i have no control over.

I am working on living in the present today. I really try to not think about tomorrow. Unless its something stupid (Dr. apt...shows...etc.) and I really want to be in the moment even. Its really hard to do. I have been turning it over all day and its only 11:28.

I feel great waves of loss today. I am not sure what is going on. Besides the people that i really care about and know me, are far away. And for some reason i cant seem to pick up the fucking phone.

oh an i hate the bank. they just charged me $36.00 x6 for over draft charges. So that means i am super broke again. I feel like i am spinning in this 730-4 wheel. I make just enough to cover my car payments and my rent and i cant go by a fucking pair of shoes if i wanted. How do people make it in this world sometimes? I work so i can have money to buy gas to go to work. nothing is fun anymore. I am in a shit hole.

thanks for listening.
no pretty pictures this day.

k

Origami

Today i have gone Origami crazy. I have this calendar that is a new Origami everyday and I keep skipping ahead to the next week and doing them all in one day. my desk looks like a Japanese doll threw up! maybe i will attach photos. it has spread through the building and everyone has some kind of pastel Origami on their desk. its freaking out of hand.

So i am not sure what happened, but myspace is now allowing me to post photos. which is weird b/c i have not been able to for like 2 years now. So there are new photos up. lots of me with my mustache. good times.

whats new. well i am super excited to go see Vampire Weekend on sat. And lets see....well maybe soon it will be summer. I am thinking about leaving wisco even if i don't have a job by the end of the summer. I will have saved "x" amount of money and it will be time to go. I think that the thought of it makes me happy. I need to recharge my creative battery and i am not doing it buried under 10 feet of snow here in the frozen tundra. And be around like-minded people. People that are doing things...not just talking about doing things.

I am also excited about getting rid of stuff and starting over. Its all just stuff...and i collect stuff. I have a hard time throwing things out. mainly paper. maybe i should buy a paper shredder. That may help...or i may end up saving the paper shreds for a rainy day pinata project....knowing me. Its craziness. I need i have to keep bullshit. Its time to get rid of and make room for the new crap that is going to enter my life. I feel so jealous of people that don't have to have stuff. That feel free living out of a backpack and are totally fine with it. I think it would be a huge release for me to do that. I think i am bound to my stuff and its making me feel crazy. So soon i will post a list of stuff that i am getting rid of...and you guys can tell me if you want any of it. :)


cheers
kiowa