grey eyes

I looked into the eyes of someone I love last night. The eyes that looked back at me were grey, not the wonderful bright blue that I was use to seeing. The eyes showed me the pain they feel, and the life they want to stop living. I understand this feeling of being an empty shell. I understand the feeling of not having faith. I get it.

Time to make some changes. Weird how when we are in enough pain, we see what's right in front of us. Its been there all along. We choose to be blinded by something else. When will we choose to not make people/places/ things our higher power? When life seems unbearable anymore? When living in this body with this head seems so horrible?

OK so we set out on our new adventure apart. And we know what we need to do. And the easy route doesn't not work anymore. So we need to go outside of our comfort level, and take some chances...throw caution to the wind. This is easy to write and easy even to say...but fuck me - doing it is a whole other thing, entirely. Knowing that someone is in my corner backing me, from a distance makes taking these steps just a little bit easier. They will no longer be my safety net...in fact the net is gone completely. And this needs to be OK.

I feel kinda re-born today, like anything is possible. I wish I felt like this all the time. And when i slip and don't do exactly what I need, I will NOT beat myself up. I will re-read what I have written here today, up on this pink cloud. And maybe I can get back on track.

The willingness is there.